This is the third in a new series of blogs written for our website by Humanity Project Founder, Bob Knotts, a playwright, poet and author of the book “Beyond Me: Dissecting Ego To Find The Innate Love At Humanity’s Core.” These blogs offer a more personal perspective on the goodness and inherent value of humanity, ideas that are the foundation of the Humanity Project’s work.
I learned this lesson as a child who was badly bullied by several neighborhood boys. There is a difference, often a big difference, between the individual and the group. Living in our small Ohio town, I got along wonderfully most of the time when alone with one of my friends. But when more than one other boy was part of the mix, especially whenever several of us played together, the atmosphere changed. The kid who had been nice to me when throwing a baseball back and forth the day before, just the two of us, suddenly had become aggressive. Often hostile, demeaning, even threatening. I couldn’t understand why back then. Now I believe I do understand. And I also believe that this very fact of human life may offer us some reassurance as adults, oddly enough.
Every individual has a powerful reservoir of goodness, decency, love within them. I feel certain of this based on my 67 years of life, most of which I’ve worked as a writer and a close observer of my fellow Homo sapiens. But this reservoir can seem to vanish as if a mirage when we human beings coalesce into a group. The basic reason, I believe, is that nearly all individuals worry obsessively about the opinion of others. We want to impress, show off or find some form of validation that makes us feel good individually. As the great psychologist and philosopher, William James expressed this: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” And when we seek this outside approval, we sometimes lose our bearings as an individual. We may feel things, think things, say and do things we wouldn’t without someone watching. We can even become hostile, demeaning, threatening. Or worse.
Yet I take great hope in the individual goodness of human beings. And I would suggest that you should too.
Why? Think about it. If I’m right, this means that everyone you know, everyone you meet, has a good heart down at the foundation of their being. And it’s usually possible to reach that goodness inside people — if we don’t judge them. That’s why the Humanity Project teaches our kids and adults alike a concept I call “shared value.” We shift our conscious attention, focusing less on what others think of us, more on what others think of themselves. This helps diminish our tendency to quickly and harshly judge other people, extending toward them a more accepting attitude. And that attitude in turn helps us feel better about ourselves by reducing our worry about the opinions of others. The value is shared.
Yes, it’s true. When people get with other people, we change. Too frequently, not for the better. We maneuver and connive for personal advantage. We often lie and cheat, sometimes steal or act violently. Even crowded highways can bring out our worst, many drivers scooting through traffic with reckless abandon to get ahead of a few cars for no sensible reason. The many problems of our society are the problems of individuals interacting with other individuals. These problems are rooted in the human desire for approval in one way or another. But I am now convinced this is a correctable situation. Individuals can learn to transcend ego for the benefit of others and themselves. We can raise children who learn to acquire feelings of their value more from within than from without.
Until that day comes, we all can harbor a justifiable hope for humanity. And a firm belief in the goodness and inherent equal value of every individual. There’s nothing truly wrong with any one of us as a human being. Once we learn to accept this and relax about ourselves, our individual value will no longer seem at stake when we’re around other people. And our society can begin to prize cooperation over competition, partnership over pettiness, taking a grand step forward in the cultural evolution of our species.
