Editor’s Note: From time to time, we publish original guest blogs on topics relevant to the mission of our nonprofit. This article was written exclusively for the Humanity Project by Rebecca Jenna, a freelance writer based in the United Kingdom.
By Rebecca Jenna
Child-actress turned podcast host Jennette McCurdy recently released a book titled I’m Glad My Mom Died – a compelling albeit controversial title. It's a perfect example of how bad parenting can have lasting effects well into adulthood. In her work, McCurdy talks about how her unstable, abusive and violent home life resulted in struggling with bulimia, alcohol dependency and her identity. Now McCurdy better understands the trauma she went through during her youth. And she more clearly understands how to recover.
Bad parenting can cause deep-rooted issues, but it's never too late to start the healing process. Though it takes a lot of soul-searching and help, you can certainly find the strength to grow from your past trials. These are just some of the ways you can cope as an adult with the effects of bad parenting in order to foster healing:
Let go
Human relationships are complex even when a connection is marred by trauma and negative thoughts. After being tied to your parents for so long, letting go of their influence can be hard. But it’s often necessary to heal from the trauma your parents caused. The Power of Letting Go tells us how life opens up more opportunities for positivity and happiness once we put our negative experiences behind us – something every person deserves. It doesn’t matter how much you still love your parents if your relationship causes you pain. To effectively gain a positive outlook on life and improve your self-worth, learn to let go of your toxic connections.
Be more open to your emotions
Being raised in a toxic environment can cause you to shut yourself off emotionally. However, bottling up your feelings will prevent the healing you need. As clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson explains in her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, neglect and trauma as a child can lead adults to avoid intimacy and hinder them from becoming mature and responsible. This usually comes with low self-worth, resulting in emotional detachment from yourself and others. Being more open to feeling your emotions will allow you to change how you deal with your past, acknowledging that what happened was not your fault. Also by letting friends know what you’re truly feeling, you open yourself up to more positive experiences.
Seek therapy
Healing from bad parenting can be very difficult. Seeking the advice of a mental health professional often can be a big help since therapists possess the tools and skills to guide you in understanding how past experiences affected you. They'll also help you find healthier ways to cope. Very Well Mind explains how trauma-informed therapy can overcome trust issues, counter low self-worth and bring deeper closure. Professionals can show you how to stop blaming yourself for the bad parenting you received, allowing greater acceptance that you deserve to heal from the hurt.
Taking charge of your recovery is essential to heal from bad parenting. You also can help break the cycle through treating others with respect despite your trauma. Taking the Humanity Project “Pledge for Humanity” can serve as a starting point by making a commitment to behave respectfully toward every other human being in daily life. In recognizing the value of others, we necessarily must accept that we too have an intrinsic value.
